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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

My Conversation with God

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Hey everyone,

I had the privilege of watching the soon to-be-released movie, "Conversations with God" based on the life story of Neale Donald Walsch and his best-selling book.

While I was watching the movie I was overwhelmed with emotion and was crying tears of gratitude for this amazing life I have created. I looked at my life and felt proud but then I started to feel sorrow for something that I felt was missing. I wanted a spiritual experience with a woman that I was crazy about, who connected with me on every level, and who wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with her.

My intention is to be in a committed monogamous relationship, which would encompass the chemistry I mentioned; and I felt I would be in this type of relationship soon. While watching the movie, I was in a conversation with God myself. Towards the end of the movie, I requested "Please, just give me a sign, a taste, a knowing that I will be in this beautiful sacred connection."

The movie finished and I fell asleep.

The next day, I got a mysterious call. "Hi. This is Christina."

"Christina who?" I asked. (I know many Christina's.) She excitedly said her last name, which I didn't catch. After about a minute, I finally said, "I still don't know who you are." She triggered my memory by recounting the fun way in which we first met and I was thrilled to talk to an amazing friend I hadn't heard from in three years.

Christina and I had met about five years ago. I had a crush on her, though I knew she was unavailable. We connected on so many levels, had amazing conversations about everything, and really understood each other. She would come over to my house and read "Conversations with God" to me. The book had a huge impact on her life, and on my life, and this created yet another bond we shared. All kinds of events occurred to enable us to be spontaneous -- both our agendas for that evening were cancelled. Of course we agreed to get together and watch the movie.

After the movie we went out for dinner. Then she dropped an interesting question: "Would you be interested in going up to my cottage?" I accepted the invitation.

Christina knew that this would be such a special experience for me. And since I like sharing my special life experiences, Christina suggested that I write about all of this in an upcoming newsletter. (So I do have her permission, and it has been edited by her.)

As we continued the two-and-a-half hour drive, Christina would be conscious of pointing-out visual things in nature for my benefit. I mentioned how I cannot see details in nature, and it is strange how most people can sit in nature for hours on end and be totally mesmerized by it, appreciating the beauty of life. I just get bored after ten minutes and want to do something else. I couldn't understand how people could be mesmerized by nature for such a long period of time. It was another fascinating conversation.

Christina knows that I can only see things very close, so when we got to the cottage, she gave me permission to look at her closely. I looked into her eyes, touched her face, and just sat there in the space of love with her for about ten minutes. After fifteen minutes, I started noticing very small details on her face that I hadn't noticed before. I asked her questions about the curves and wrinkles on her face, and complimented her on her beauty.

After twenty minutes, I started crying. I started to become present to how people could sit in nature for hours on end and be totally mesmerized, how they could notice all sorts of details that they couldn't notice before, how they could start seeing all the small intricacies of nature and start becoming present to source energy. I've had the experience of euphoria before, though usually through meditation. For the first time in my life, I started to have this experience of bliss become present simply through physical beauty.

I was really nervous. I've been with women before, but somehow this was totally different. I've been nervous before, but usually that goes away relatively quickly. I shared this with Christina as we cuddled and held each other. I explained that I was nervous more than at other times because of how deeply I felt the connection between us on so many levels. I said, "I love you. I love you because intellectually you challenge me. I love you because emotionally you connect with me. I love you because spiritually you already know me better than I know myself. I love you because sexually you are so sensual, soulful, and beautiful!"

Christina explained that this night was a fantasy she had since we had first met five years ago. I felt like I was continuing a conversation with God. Everything about the evening was so serendipitous and cosmic. Everything was just falling perfectly into place like a fairytale.

She invited me to join her in the shower or wait for her in bed. I gathered my thoughts and cleaned up the area as Christina went to shower. I didn't know whether I should join her or not. Several moments passed as I continued to consider what I should do. Since she still wasn't finished, I thought this was a sign from the universe that I should go in.

As I walked into the shower, I saw Christina's full naked body for the first time. Her wet hair was long and flowing down her back and she looked like a Goddess. The inviting smile she gave me as she looked my way had my heart just melt. Christina and I continued to have three hours of profound intimacy that neither of us had yet experienced. I was truly living the night of my dreams...

Christina lives in another country and is not able to be in a committed relationship right now because she is totally free and committed to herself. While that may seem strange to some, I choose to see it as a sign I asked God for, and therefore my own creation.

My conversation with God hasn't ended. I'm having a Conversation with God all the time. My thoughts are manifesting into my reality, and my reality is therefore a communication back from God to me.

My thoughts are what I say to God.
My reality is what God says to me.

As Neale Donald Walsch says, "We are all having a Conversation with God."

And to God (and to Christina) I say, "Thank you for the night of my life. Thank you for the life of my dreams."

Let's love the world together...

[)anish /|hmed, blind visionary

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