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Friday, November 4, 2011

My Suicide Note

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Hey there everyone,

These dark moments have come many times throughout my life.  Something seems to take over and the logic becomes irrefutable.  I think...

a. I’ve already had a very accomplished life with such diverse experiences (even beyond the scope of what I share publicly),

b. I’ve positively contributed to my friends/community/world, and

c. I will have left books, movies, interviews, and numerous web sites, for people to use over generations.

Of course, all the usual concerns come up that would come up for most people before they finally pull the plug...

1. How will my family and friends be affected by this?

Society deals with death all the time.  One of my dearest friends committed suicide last month.  Life goes on in the matrix.

2. What about those who would be left holding my debt and obligations?

If we say money is such a lower priority in terms of overall health and wellness, then why even bother thinking about this?  My investors have all chosen freely and knew they had risk.  The matrix has provisions for these circumstances, although I do feel more than financially obligated.

3. Is this really the calling of my spirit?

Why would my spirit ever have me or want me to feel this way in the first place?  What is an existence where we wish not to exist?  Isn’t that the ultimate hell?

It’s challenging to explain what this is like.  Everything is all perspective and relative, but at times like these, these are the three paradigms I feel:

Depression.  Things seem to lack meaning and significance.  Is it a chemical imbalance when there’s just no interest or desire in so many of the activities or possibilities I have at my disposal?

Loneliness.  Some would think that with such a broad network, there would always be many interesting choices at any time for me.  But with not being able to naturally relate to so many people, loneliness prevails.  Many people recognize me, but many times, I am unable to recognize some of my family and friends.

Boredom.  I’ve always been challenged by not knowing what do with my time -- especially without visual stimulation to appreciate nature, or do people-watching for example.  Ironically, now that I’ve achieved a certain level of financial stability, I don’t know what to do with my time.  I’m engaged in tons of business ventures where I am waiting for other people/growth, and the would-be-interesting-and-fun new activities, all cost more money.

So I spend my time telling you all of this.  You can count on me to be transparent.  So, what do you think?  Should I do it?

Some say that after an artist dies, their works are far more appreciated, valued, and shared throughout the planet.  So this letter will be a lot more viral if I’m actually going to do it...

But life isn’t about leaving a legacy.  It’s about discovering a new possibility in each moment.  I love transforming my difficult moments into small injections of inspiration into your life.

There’s always a new day, a new perspective, and new potential.  These are the things we can be focused on.

Let’s love the world together...

[)anish /|hmed, blind visionary

P.S. Here`s a great movie trailer about darkness called The Shadow Effect.

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