Are There Contradictions in Personal Development?

Hey there everyone!!

Many years ago, as my personal-growth journey was expanding, I was striving to find the fundamental principals of success that would be consistent to the entire personal development industry. I was happy to find some of these principals, yet I was shocked as I noticed that one principal would contradict another! What was going on? "There's no ultimate truth," I thought, "just everyone's personal version of it."

Have you noticed contradictions from one book to the next, from one speaker to the next, or from one seminar to the next? How do we account for these inconsistencies? Do they devalue the benefits of personal development? Here's what I've learned along my journey . . .

1. Contradictions Are a Part of Life

Contradictions aren't confined to the personal development industry. They are a part of life, and they are everywhere. Have you heard the phrase, "the pen is mightier than the sword" or the phrase, "actions speak louder than words?" Which one is true? Is it possible for both of them to be true? In our complex world, I would submit that it depends. We can dissect the two statements and discover under what circumstances and under what conditions each would be more valid.

Is this an isolated example? If you think so, consider "opposites attract" compared to "birds of a feather flock together." Try "look before you leap" compared to "he who hesitates has lost." How about "absence makes the heart grow fonder" compared to "out of sight, out of mind?" My personal favorite is "knowledge is power" compared to "ignorance is bliss." I'm sure you can think of some of your own . . .

2. A Contradiction May Really Be A Paradox

Here's a mini-distinction: A contradiction is when two ideas explicitly negate each other. A paradox, on the other hand, represents two opposite ideas that, once understood, actually make sense and complement each other. Here's an example:

There's the story of the fly who keeps banging its head against the glass window. It doesn't realize that there's a window, so it keeps trying. Unfortunately, it keeps trying until it dies of exhaustion. Some would say that insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. The lesson here is "if you want a different result, do something different."

What about the story of the rock-cutter who keeps axing his rock over and over again? After ninety-nine hits, the rock is still solid. On the hundredth hit of the axe, the rock splits in two! Was it the hundredth hit that was so powerful, or was it the persistence of the ninety-nine hits? "Keep trying and you'll eventually get what you want" is the lesson here.

Both these stories make valid points, even though their morals seemingly contradict each other. Since both stories are true and have merit, what we have here is a paradox.

3. A Paradox Adds Depth to Our Understanding

Mark Victor Hansen once said that personal development can be generalized down to four words: "Tell the truth . . . faster." Understanding ourselves, our emotions, our minds, and our world is what helps us to grow personally. The quicker we are able to acknowledge such truths and be completely authentic with ourselves and with others about the truth, the more we will grow personally. This is the "rational" way of being (there are absolute truths to be learned).

In the metaphysical paradigm, we may be taught that "what we confess, we possess." From this perspective, we speak what we want into existence. Our beliefs become our reality. This teaching is known as "existentialism" (everybody's truth is unique and subject to one's experiences and interpretations). And, this teaching is on the opposite side of the spectrum of Mark Victor Hansen's four words.

I call this the fundamental paradox of personal development. Do we discover the truth and then speak it, or do we create the truth we want by speaking it first? Remember that a paradox can help us understand life at a deeper level. It may not be simple, a one-sentence summary to explain all of creation, yet it is powerful. A paradox reminds us that for every situation in life, we need to keep in mind our context and purpose, before resorting to a given generalization.

Let's love the world together...

Love,
[)anish /|hmed, blind visionary

6 Common Myths In Self-Growth & Personal Development

Hi there everyone!!

Mythology can be intriguing to study. The stories that are portrayed in myths may be fictional, but there is usually some truth that has allowed the story to be passed down from generation to generation. That's what "myths" are -- they are not completely true or completely false. Here we will discuss the true and false elements of common myths in personal development.

Myth #1: Personal development is all just about positive thinking.

Positive thinking is a component of personal development. For some, it's a big component, for others, it's not an important component at all. In fact, some paradigms of personal development teach us to think critically, radically, and negatively, depending on our circumstances. Personal development does not try to make us be a certain way. More than all of that, personal development allows us to control our way of being -- whatever way of being we choose.

Myth #2: The motivation doesn't last.

That's true. We eventually have to be self-motivated. Fact is, however, some of us are not self-motivated. So getting temporarily motivated by something or someone else is the first step towards becoming self-motivated. Sometimes, that's just the nudge we need to get ourselves into action. Personal development programs teach various methodologies on becoming self-motivated.

Myth #3: Personal development doesn't work for everybody.

Just because something doesn't work for everybody, doesn't mean that it won't work for us or that we should dismiss it for ourselves. Many things don't work for everybody. Diets don't work for everybody . . . Investing doesn't work for everybody . . . But the some/few people they do work for, they work for beautifully. We can only know whether something truly works for us, if we've sincerely given it a try.

Myth #4: Most people can't change very much, after so many years of conditioning and habit.

It doesn't matter how "much" we can change. Sometimes the smallest changes can have the biggest influences on the quality of our lives. The idea of personal development isn't necessarily to change our conditioning . . . It is to realize our conditioning, be conscious of it, and to use it in a way that is empowering for us.

Myth #5: All personal development programs are essentially sharing the same common-sense "truth."

Massive amounts of wisdom and knowledge are mirrored throughout the personal development industry. And that's great. We learn not only by knowing the truth, we also learn by experiencing the truth from many different perspectives. The reason common sense is not common is because everybody's "truth" is different. If there's any foundation to personal development, I believe it's the willingness to understand somebody else's truth.

The study of personal development is so vast because the depth to any truth is infinite. Any progress we make in uncovering a truth for ourselves, that enriches our lives in any way, is personal development. As Dexter Yager says, "You've got to learn to study things -- not see things the way they are, but see the truth behind what you're seeing."

Myth #6: The benefits are not worth the effort.

How do we know whether the benefits will be worth the effort, for anything in life? Think about spirituality, think about relationships. How do we know when we've put enough effort into something? Even from a financial perspective (which is more easily measurable) we may see business people lose money for several years before they turn a profit. How do they know that the benefits will be worth their effort if the majority of businesses go bankrupt within the first five years?

Is it worth it? Is your life worth it? Will personal development work for you? Those are questions only you can answer for yourself.

Let's love the world together...

Love,
[)anish /|hmed, blind visionary

4 Cornerstones to Doing Any Personal Development Program RIGHT

Hi there everyone!!

Before we begin, let me say that I use the term "personal development" very loosely. Anything that we are doing in life that helps us to grow personally, is personal development. So, taking a new cooking class is personal development . . . Deciding to travel to a new country and experience the native culture is committing to personal development . . . Even if all we're doing is trying out a new Church, we can apply the steps listed here to help us give it everything we've got.

This is a follow-up article to "Three Critical Steps to Starting a Personal Development Program RIGHT". Now, let's talk about what it takes to actually go through the process of a personal development program - successfully.

1. Understand Consistency

What happens if we exercise like crazy for two months and then stop? What happens to a business that gives itself three months to become profitable? It doesn't matter how good the exercise program was or how good the business idea was - the secret to success in every area of life is consistency.

So how do we know when to give-up? Maybe we were committed, passionate, and flexible - all the great characteristics we know - and it still isn't working. What do we do then? Where do we draw the line? The first thing to do is to ask ourselves, were we truly being consistent? Or, were we being "discretionary"? Let's be brutally honest with ourselves.

I do about an hour's worth of morning rituals (meditations, visualizations, exercises) everyday. I usually wake up at 6:30 AM in order to give myself enough time to do these rituals and start my day. One day, I had an early breakfast meeting to attend, requiring me to wake up at 4:00 AM in order to complete my rituals. One of my friends said to me: "You're getting up at 4:00 AM?? Why not make an exception since this is a unique occurrence." I responded, "Unique occurrences seem to happen more often than we'd like to admit. If I make an exception this time, I'm training my mind to think that exceptions are OK. I want to train my mind to be consistent. And this is the first test in being consistent." Exceptions kill consistency. Exceptions are euphemisms for excuses.

2. Acknowledge Yourself

As important as consistency is, we won't be perfect. We're all human and we're going to fall short of our potential and some of our goals. Let's not dwell on what we've missed, instead, let's acknowledge what we've gained. Anthony Robbins says "Sometimes we think we're losing the game of life when we're really winning, simply because we're not keeping score." It's easy to lose perspective and to forget where we've come from. It's important to take a step back and to acknowledge ourselves for what we have accomplished.

Sometimes I get frustrated with myself and my business success (can you believe it?). Then I think. Three Publications, CD with Chicken Soup Co-Author, 1000+ subscribers in fifteen countries, and record sales at Canada's largest book retailer - not bad for fourteen months in business. :)

Take the time to acknowledge yourself. If your life is worth living, it's worth recording. If you haven't written in a journal in a long time, maybe the first thing to do is to list all the things you've done in your life. Don't just make it like a resume; make sure to include the lives you've touched over the years and the difference you have made for your family, friends, and co-workers. Think of how you've changed in your values, your beliefs, and your attitudes. Then, most importantly, read it back to yourself and smile. :)

3. Exercise Patience

It still isn't happening!!! What do we do? In our fast-paced culture, people seem to want miracles in minutes. I know I'm guilty of this sometimes. You might be thinking, "Wait a minute - what about all these programs that claim to change people over a weekend?" Well, that's true. In fact Tony Robbins says "Change happens in an instant." So what we need to do here is define what "change" is.

There's internal change, and there's external change. Internal change has to deal with mentality, attitude, insight, perspective, desire, motivation, values, beliefs, etc. External change deals with the results we're after like relationships, finances, vitality. Internal change causes external change. Internal change happens in an instant (when the student is ready). That's why some people who attend life-changing seminars have their lives consequently go in a noticeable new direction. They look different, they feel different. They have a new energy and a refueled passion about life. These are examples of internal change. How about the external change? When do the attendees see tangible differences in their lifestyle? When will passive acquaintances notice the difference in these people? Sometimes the external change comes quickly. Sometimes, it doesn't. That's life.

And when external change doesn't come quickly, we need to exercise patience. Giving up is not the answer. Having faith and continuing to be consistent in our plans will eventually yield results.

4. Teach What You're Learning

Let's talk with other people about some of the new insights, distinctions, and knowledge we've been learning. This helps us to conceptualize and understand information at a much deeper level. When we are articulating a concept or idea to someone else, our brain tends to believe it and apply it more effectively and more consistently. In the movie "Training Day" we heard a phrase repeated many times: "It's not what you know, it's what you can prove." This is why it's important not only to learn, but then to teach what we've learned to others. This ensures our ability to prove what we know.

You don't have to be a professional speaker or an accomplished author to be able to share your experiences. The operative word in step number four is "learning" not "learned." Before I made my passion of personal development into my career, I was talking to people about it for thirteen years. And I think that's what had helped me to apply the teachings in my own life - and that's what helps me to apply it today. By sharing the education with others, I also get valuable feedback and perspectives from a variety of people with varying personalities and opinions.

We don't just learn from tapes and books - we automatically learn from the people we associate with, whether consciously or unconsciously. Remember that poor minds gossip and talk negatively about other people. Most people talk about places, events, news and activities. Visionaries talk about concepts and ideas.

Personal development programs transform peoples lives. Sometimes, it depends on the program; sometimes it depends on the person's ability to pick a program that is right for them. More often than not, it depends on the person's commitment to understand and follow these four cornerstones. Personal development programs DO transform peoples lives. Personal development can transform your life, too.

(And if you're reading my book, "A Dictionary of Distinctions", remember these four cornerstones as you flip through chapters.)

Let's love the world together...

Love,
[)anish /|hmed, blind visionary

3 Critical Steps to Starting a Personal Development Program RIGHT

Hi there everyone!!

The multitude of personal development programs available in the market is vast and overwhelming. How do we know which programs are right for us? What can we do to maximize the benefits of a self-improvement course? Here are three steps that I've discovered to be crucial in starting any personal development program:

1. Be Open-Minded

It's easy to look at a program and discard it quickly. There are so many options available that we may tend to be too critical or unintentional in our selection criteria. Remember that in life, answers don't always come from the places that we'd expect them to come from. Often, we are surprised at where we make new discoveries. So don't dismiss a book by its cover and don't dismiss a seminar because one friend had something negative to say about it.

When I was a teenager I came across a program called A Course in Miracles. I wasn't terribly interested because I knew the course had a strong Christian focus, and I wasn't Christian. I was, however, open-minded and took the course. The coursed introduced me to biblical wisdom and opened the door (for me) to personal growth through spirituality. Today, A Course in Miracles is one of my favorite programs that I would highly recommend.

In fact, personal development programs originate from seven distinct roots (see the article, "Distinctions in Personal Development"). Perhaps you've tried personal development programs that have an emphasis on philosophy and psychology. Maybe it's time to try something new. Maybe it's time to explore some of the other paradigms of personal development.

2. Have an Attitude of Expectation

Henry Ford said, "Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can't, you're right." I believe it is also true that, whether you think you WILL, or whether you think you WON'T, you're right. Our minds have the ability to transform our expectations into reality. If we start a new job thinking that it was the worst decision we could make, we'll create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Similarly, we must tart and complete personal development programs with the attitude that they WILL make a difference for us.

3. Take Personal Responsibility

Buying a book or attending a weekend event is simply not enough. We've got to read the book, and we've got to be proactive at the event. More than that, we must do the exercises recommended to us. If a certain activity scares us, that's all the more reason to do it! In fact, let's be courageous - engage the speaker/facilitator, ask questions, and discuss with peers. We must take action and implement what we're learning. Knowledge is power - true - however, it is more like "potential" power. Knowledge is not real power until we learn to put it into action!

There is only so much an author or a speaker can do to motivate us. At some point, we've got to take personal responsibility. If we don't understand something, we must seek out the answer. If something is not working for us, we must talk to others and discover why. Complaining, or even being content with our lack of understanding, produces a life of mediocrity.

As a depressed teenager, seeing a psychiatrist three times a week wasn't working for me. I didn't see any tangible changes occurring. I could have had the attitude: "Well, I'm trying to change, and it's just not happening. I guess there's no hope." Instead, I took personal responsibility for the results I was seeking and sought other means of change . . . and so began my personal-growth journey. I became curious and sought-after alternative forms of education. Some were good, and some were not so good. It was my "personal responsibility" that had me take what worked, and if something didn't work, to move on to something else.

There's no "magical" personal development program available today that will work for everyone. Different programs relate to different people. What makes a program more effective for one person than another is the person's faith, belief, and their ability to recognize the importance of these three steps. These steps may seem simple, yet they are frequently overlooked. Be conscious of them, and may you start your personal development program RIGHT.

Let's love the world together...

Love,
[)anish /|hmed, blind bisionary

P.S. Are you ready for the sequel?

Read 4 Cornerstones to Doing Any Personal Development Program RIGHT